Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
