I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
