My friends, they love my intelligence
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
