and she was petting her beer can
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
