I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
