I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
