Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
