So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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