toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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