I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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