No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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