If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
