What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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