i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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