I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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