dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
