So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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