first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My vagina is officially offended.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
