His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
