i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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