hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
