threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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