Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
