I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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