I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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