This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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