1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
