oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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