dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
