all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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