Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
