In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
