i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
