I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
BRING THE BAGELS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
