Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
