One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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