My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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