I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
