I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
