Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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