Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I need moral support for this bender
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
