FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
