If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
