3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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