I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So squirting runs in the family.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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