I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
