did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
