You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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