One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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