If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
