Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
