the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
