The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
