Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
