You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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