You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
