If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We are two peas in an std pod
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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