bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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