I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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