this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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