Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Houston, we have a squirter
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
