Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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