God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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