is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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