We're facebook friends in real life
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
