If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
