Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
