Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
