I heard we made out
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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