yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
