textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
