Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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