i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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