Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
