Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
where are my eyebrows?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
