I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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