So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
