i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
wow bdsm is so cute
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