I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
