I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
