omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
