i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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