For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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