I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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