dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
