i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
