So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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