Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
is that a dick in a sweater?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
