Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
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im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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