I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
