not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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