I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
