My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
