it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize