So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
