literally had 100 drinks last night.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
