You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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