we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
